(Just like) Starting Over

Reset (verb): to set, adjust, or fix in a new or different way.

Well thanks, 2020 – I guess you had to knock all of us over the head to tell us it was time to reset. I have been looking at my 2020 Vision Board that I so hopefully and energetically assembled back in January. This year I actually framed it and hung it in my office right next to my chair…and since I have been cooped up in my home office, I had started to view it with resentment…the trips I didn’t take, the concerts I didn’t attend…the best self I was trying to become…

Last weekend, I decided to start over. To reset. To adjust my view – my expectations – my goals for the remainder of 2020 because I don’t want to keep feeling like a pinball – a victim to the chaos that 2020 has thrown upon me. Let me be clear – I am not trying to live my best “COVID 19” life by completing projects, learning how to bake, training for a virtual marathon or ANYTHING close to any of those things. I baked some cinnamon bread once. That was enough. I am just trying to survive without succumbing to the stress and edginess I carry with me every day wondering when we will get to a new normal.

If only there was an actual reset button.

I am working on resetting my expectations – which these days means simple things like finding something to laugh about each day. Like about an hour ago when Jerry and I laughed about my absolute FREAKOUT after getting mayonnaise all over myself while cleaning the dishes…Anyone that knows me well knows I hate mayonnaise with a passion. A deep passion that goes back to my childhood “wounds” when we took 10+ hour car rides several times a year, and you couldn’t “have it your way” at fast food chains, so I was told to scrape the mayo off rather than waiting for a custom order… (do I still carry resentment about this – umm, clearly yes)…and yet somehow I fell in love with someone who dips EVERYTHING in mayonnaise. So he cooks, and I get to clean up the GOBS of leftover mayo on the plates. Oh the sacrifices we make for love…Tonight – the mayo went everywhere! Jerry came running thinking I cut off a finger – but alas, just a mayo explosion in the sink and all over me. It took a few minutes, but I was able to get from freak out to laughter – which pretty much sums up how I am navigating 2020.

Jerry and Eric help me to find these moments of joy and laughter every day. When I stop to see the world through Eric’s eyes, I am able to live in the present moment and to stop taking myself so seriously. Today one of those moments was stopping in the driveway to snap a picture of Eric in his new kicks (these are made by Billy Footwear and remind me of my red chucks from high school) and his new Baby Yoda shirt.

Yesterday it was playing with a $2 bubble machine that has Cherry Jelly Belly smelling bubbles.

Last week it was dancing in the kitchen to “The Bird” with our cockatiel, Prince (please ignore my messy kitchen and see above about letting go of expectations…). Have you ever danced to “The Bird” in your kitchen? I HIGHLY recommend it. Come on…you can do it! Even if you are all alone – I have, and I promise it will put you in a good mood. Just ask my brother in law John! “You don’t need no finesse or no personality…You just need two arms and an attitude!” I swear I want this to go viral – so if you do it – add #ericsepicjourney and #thebird so we can see the joy spreading!

Tomorrow – we will find something new, silly, and fun, I assure you.

Let’s be honest – I have a lot more on my plate than a mayo explosion…but I am no longer going to be let 2020 win. I am changing the game – or maybe just refusing to play a game I cannot win. I am letting go of what I thought I wanted this year – and I am resetting.

Last weekend, I decided to completely redo my Vision Board – which is an even bigger version than the original from January. It really helped me to get clarity on what matters to me. I just do not have the emotional, physical or mental strength to do more than exactly what I want to do. I do not have any extra to spare for meaningless BS. I want to be brave enough to still look forward to the rest of the year, and I want to stop feeling helpless.

This Vision Board IS my reset button.