Category: Hope

Casa Dolce Casa (Home Sweet Home)

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Hope, Inner Peace, Joy, Vulnerability
This is my house on it's 1 year anniversary.
This is my house on it’s 1 year anniversary.

I am sooo happy to be home after a 8 days of a wonderful short vacation to DC with a business trip tacked on. As much as I love to travel, I am always excited to come home to my own space…to my sanctuary…to recharge, relax, and enjoy my surroundings.

About an hour ago, I received an email from my mortgage guy saying “Happy Loan Anniversary!” While I appreciate Lorcan’s thoughtfulness in wishing me a happy loan anniversary, I am not exactly celebrating the fact that I owe the bank so much money for my little nest. But, I am so happy for the reminder to celebrate the wonderful decision I made to buy it.  So forget the money I owe, I am celebrating my house – and all that I have accomplished since getting it!

Since I haven’t posted in a while, I decided this was a very good reason to sit down, turn off all of my distractions and reflect on the year I have spent here. It was pretty crazy in the beginning. Anyone else remember the lightening storm that resulted in the firemen visit, and the A/C, fridge, and internet/cable not working in the first two weeks?? My anxiety about lawn maintenance, robbers and flood insurance? Last summer while exciting was nerve wracking to say the least. I had a lot of doubts – mostly in myself – about my ability to do this on my own – financially, emotionally, physically…

Here I am a whole year later, and all is well. In fact, all is more than well. At the very least, I have maintained the house pretty well as I haven’t killed my lawn, and I have managed all of the basic repairs and the associated bills along with them. I was and still am incredibly lucky and grateful to have the help and support of my friends and family. Otherwise, this would be so much harder – and much less enjoyable! I have a healthy list of people who have pitched in at different times…to move furniture, hang pictures, repair steps, help decorate… you name it, they have done it. Sometimes in exchange for meatballs or wine. Whatever it takes!

But more importantly, I have been making a lot of progress in making my house my home. Slowly but surely, this place is evolving, and every day that I walk in the door, I feel a sense of peace and satisfaction. That is such a powerful feeling…one that I hope never goes away. I reflect about how scared I was a year ago, I now feel joy.

I still don’t know what the future holds – does anyone? But I am a lot more at ease living with questions than I was a year ago. I am more comfortable with being open and vulnerable than I was a year ago. I am much better at enjoying the present than I was a year ago. And I have more love and joy in my life than I did a year ago.

There is a lot more to come – this I know. There will be ups and downs – this I also know. There is more joy – but also more heartache and pain ahead too – that is just how life works.

I can’t say it better than my favorite author Brene Brown:

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Happy 1st Anniversary to my “Casa Dolce Casa”!

Survive and Advance

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Hope, Perspective, Resilience
Remember the 1983 National Champion NCState Wo...
Remember the 1983 National Champion NCState Wolfpack (Photo credit: E. A. Sanabria)

It’s almost the end of April, and March Madness is now well behind us. I was so inspired by watching “Survive and Advance” on ESPN last month that I can’t resist writing about it. I watched it again today, and now I am ready to put my thoughts into words.

“Survive and Advance” is one episode in ESPN’s 30 for 30 series, and it is about NC State’s NCAA basketball 1983 championship season led by Jimmy Valvano. While some may say I am not exactly a “true” basketball fan, I AM a fan of a great story, and the 1983 season was exactly that. Some say it is one of the greatest sports stories of all time.

Growing up in Charlotte, NC in the 70’s and 80’s, I couldn’t help but become a fan of ACC basketball. This was the era of Michael Jordan & Dean Smith at UNC, Jimmy Valvano at NC State, Coach K at Duke…a time when players stayed in school until graduation. This was the most amazing era of college basketball in my lifetime, and it was taking place all around me in North Carolina.

Watching “Survive and Advance” was both nostalgic and inspiring for me. When I was in fifth grade in 1983, I had no idea of the significance of what happened…but watching this documentary helped me to realize the impact of that season. Even the title alone, “Survive and Advance,” is inspiring. In those three little words, he summarized everything I was trying to say in my post “Onward,” about forward progress.

Here are some of my musings after watching “Survive and Advance” for the second time.

The power of having a dream:

On Day 1 of Jimmy Valvano’s time at NC State, he told his team “I know I am going to win a national championship.” It took him a few years before he did exactly that. His 1983 team spoke of him as a dreamer, a dreamer with a real vision of what he wanted to achieve, and the ability to paint the picture for the rest them so that they felt it was achievable.

“How do you go from where you are to where you want to be? I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal, and you have to be willing to work for it.” – Jim Valvano

The importance of practice:

Each season, Valvano would have his team practice cutting down the net as if they had won the National Championship. Over and over again. This is not a normal kind of practice. This is beyond practicing the fundamentals. This is practicing being a WINNER, being a CHAMPION…so that when the team ended up on the brink, they could shake off their nerves because they already knew what it felt like to win.

The love of family:

If you have ever seen even a 30 second video of Jimmy Valvano, you know he was a passionate, Italian, family man with a large, passionate, Italian family. He credited his father for his success, saying:

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” – Jim Valvano

The power of emotion:

I don’t know any man or woman that has watched Jimmy Valvano’s ESPY acceptance speech without shedding a few tears. If you haven’t seen it, please take a few minutes to click this link and watch it start to finish. If you have seen it, watch it again. It is worth it. My favorite Jimmy V quote is from this speech, and since seeing it again recently, I think about this almost every day. While battling terminal cancer with just a very short time to live, Jimmy V expressed himself as passionately and eloquently as ever before. I want to feel things as deeply and passionately about my life that Jimmy V felt about his, and his speech inspires me to this day.

“To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.” – Jim Valvano

So, “survive and advance” everyone.

Keep moving forward.

Laugh, think and cry. Every day.

Dream big.

Practice.

Love your family, and hold them close to your hearts.

An Attitude of Gratitude

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Faith, Hope, Inner Peace

It’s Sunday morning, a time I like to reflect and write…and as I start this, I am not quite sure where it’s going to go.

I think I will start with gratitude and faith today – something that I rarely write about.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
― Marcel Proust

Since I wrote my New Year’s post last month (Onward), I have heard from many friends, family, coworkers, and strangers who shared words of encouragement, and in many cases their own stories of heartache and joy. I am deeply touched that some said my post helped them in some way. That is why I write this blog – and I am so blessed to feel I was able to connect and help someone else.

Thank you to everyone who reads this. Thank you to the people who feel compelled to share your own pains, struggles, and joys with me. It means more to mean that you will ever know.

Last week, I had 150 nuns along with a Mormon temple praying for me, as well as many family and friends (my faith is not bound by my religion…but my religion is part of my faith if that makes any sense). I had a friend light a candle at the Grotto at Notre Dame for me. And I got to visit with my real live guardian angel, Anna Lee Crumpton, yesterday. How lucky am I?

Anna Lee is my friend Tiffany’s mother in law. I met her when Tiffany married her husband John a few years ago. I feel that Anna Lee is a guardian angel because since I met her a few years ago, I instantly felt a spiritual connection to her. Anna Lee always tells me how she prays for me (as she does for many of my friends too). She is certain that God has a plan for me – that my journey will completely make sense to me. I always feel better after spending some time with her, because she is such an inspiration to me and to people who know her.

Anna Lee has been fighting cancer for some time, but you would never know by talking to her. She emanates joy, grace, and peacefulness, which comes directly from her faith. She is one of those people who walks the walk. Tiffany and John brought Anna Lee over to see my new house yesterday, and we shared a bottle of Prosecco and visited for a little while. When we spoke about her most recent treatment, she shared a funny story about how her granddaughter Tristen went to chemo with her…and how they watched their favorite TV show and laughed their way through. Laughing through chemo? Wow – she is something else!

When Anna Lee left my house, we promised to pray for each other like we always do. She asked that when I pray for her, that I express her gratitude since she has everything she needs. Wow. Since yesterday, I have been thinking about that, and am trying to learn from her example.

Anna Lee is in the middle. These are just a few of the people she prays for!
Anna Lee is in the middle. This was taken a year ago. These are just a few of the people she prays for!

My journey continues to be unpredictable and challenging, but today, I feel peaceful because of the support I feel from my “village”, and from the faith I share with them. I don’t have any more answers than I did a few weeks ago, but I feel stronger.

Gratitude is powerful. I know most of us know this…and yet it is so easy to forget or ignore. But it is impossible to ignore with people like Anna Lee in my life. Today I am grateful!

Who Needs a Pep Talk (besides me)?

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Hope, Inner Child

Anyone else out there relieved that January is over? I am. I can speak for me and for many of my friends that it’s been a rough start to 2013. I woke up yesterday morning, February 1st, feeling like it was New Year’s Day all over again. I felt glad to put January behind me, and felt like it was another new beginning – another chance to start the year.

I am not writing this to mope about how awful January was. It was. It could have been worse, but it still sucked. I want to simply acknowledge that it was, and put it behind me – behind all of us that had a similarly rough month. I am writing this because I want to dig deep for the energy it takes to stay hopeful in the face of what life throws at us – find the motivation I need to begin again with renewed energy.

I came across this short youtube video this week and finally watched it yesterday. If you saw my post on Facebook, you already know I feel it was the best 3 minutes and 28 seconds of my 2013. Especially since my 2013 just started yesterday. This little guy who calls himself Kid President gave me the best pep talk I have ever heard:

The cynical part of me knows that someone else wrote this..and edited the heck out of it to make it funny. But guess what, I don’t care because it’s hilarious and what this little guy says is true, and it was exactly the kick in the pants I need.

He says it much better than I can! Here is how I apply it to my life. Not quite as funny, but the point in doing this is to figure out how this helps me. Maybe it helps you too in some way in case you also need a kick in the pants.

Kid President: “The world needs you. Stop being boring.”

Me: Take risks. Be daring. Make choices. Remember doing nothing is still a choice. I want to make an impact – to make a difference.

Kid President: “Life is not a game people…but if life WAS a game, aren’t we all on the same team? I’m on your team. Be on my team!”

Me: Life is too short and is wasted the more I just sit here on the sidelines. Find the people who give me energy and avoid the energy suckers. A rising tide lifts all boats!

Kid President: “A Poem. Two roads diverged in the woods, and I took the road less traveled. And it hurt, man! Really bad!…Not cool Robert Frost.”

Me: Sometimes the choice I make hurts. A lot.

Kid President: “But what if there really were two paths…I want to be on the one that leads to awesome!”

Me: I’ll never know what awesome is until I make a choice to go down one path or another. Hopefully on the other side of pain is something awesome. Like Space Jam.

Kid President: “What will be your Space Jam? What will you create that will make the world awesome? Nothing if you keep sitting there.”

Me: Nothing is going to happen unless I get off of my a$$. My Space Jam is ahead of me. I need to take some action to make it happen.

Kid President: “This is your time. This is my time. This is our time. We can make every day better for each other. If we are all on the same team, we should start acting like it.”

Me: Sounds a little like Mr. Hand…but I digress. I believe that the Golden Rule is the most important life principle ever. I believe that we get what we give, aka cosmic karma. Let’s stop arguing with each other. This is why I don’t watch Fox News EVER.

Kid President: “We got work to do. We can cry about it, or we can dance about it.”

Me: We can mope or we can have fun. I am pretty sure if Kid President were here right now, I would be dancing with him.

Kid President: “You’ve just been pep talked. Create something that will make the world awesome.”

Thanks Kid President! I’ll watch this anytime I need a chuckle, and a kick in the pants. Now I am going to post this and get going!

Unbroken

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Hope, Perspective, Resilience

I do my best thinking when I am running or writing. Or maybe I do my best feeling when I am running or writing – I am not quite sure. I think it’s both – it’s all about the mind/body connection, so I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to get off the couch or out of bed and get moving each time.

In any case, I just got back from a 3 mile run, trying to work off my vacation calories, and I found myself thinking about my friends Jane and John, and their 7 year old daughter Sophia who was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in April of this year.

This is Sophia!

Jane writes a journal on Caring Bridge that not only keeps her friends and family updated about Sophia’s treatments, but also provides us with inspiration and laughter. Talk about vulnerability (see my last post) – Jane shares her fears, her hopes, and funny stories about their journey, and when Sophia writes, her sassiness shines right through.

I was thinking about them because I recently read Jane’s post that was titled “Unbroken.” Jane is reading Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand, a book that I just happened to finish reading a few weeks ago, and she wrote about the parallels between Sophia and the POWs in the book. I enjoyed the book – and was definitely inspired by Louis Zamperini’s amazing story. It is hard to imagine how a person could overcome what he did – but that is not what this blog post is about.

This post is about my amazing friends, John and Jane, whom I have known for almost 20 years, and their increbile family who inspire me on a daily basis with their strength, their vulnerability, their humor, and their overall outlook on life, sickness, family and spirituality.

When I read Jane’s post about how Sophia is getting through her toughest week of treatment, it cut straight to my heart. In Jane’s words, “This kid has toxic poison flowing through her veins and she is still kicking butt.” Like Louis, Sophia has an incredibly strong will, which Jane says keeps them strong as a family.

This child is only 7 years old, and yet she already seems to know who she is, what she is made of, and consistently musters the strength to battle this serious disease. It is truly inspiring to me, and moves me to tears on a regular basis. Sometimes happy tears, sometimes sad tears. Sometimes both at the same time like what is happening to me now as I write this. Sometimes I am sad that they have to experience the pain of what is happening to them. But then, I think it’s because of this sadness that I am so moved by their strength and vulnerability as I realize how much we can learn from them.

Jane uses the word grace on her Light the Night fundraising page to describe how Sophia is enduring her illness and treatment. It is apparent to me that grace is present in their entire family – and shared with their friends and family. There is a higher power at work here – I know this because I can see it and I can feel it.

Their spirit is truly unbroken…and in fact seems stronger to me than ever before, because whether they realize it of not, I feel strengthened each time I read Jane’s journal, each time I see a photograph of Sophia and her siblings, Jack and Christina, each time I read about something funny Sophia did or said, and each time I hear the latest about the Anonymous Monkey Sender (AMS) and his/her antics.

Christina, Jack, Jane, Sophia & John

Their family and friends are walking in the Annapolis, MD Light the Night Walk to raise money for the The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society on October 27th Use this hyperlink if you would like to support Team Sophia: http://pages.lightthenight.org/md/Annapoli12/TeamSophiaMcCaul.

While I can’t be there in person, my heart and spirit will be with them.

A Monumental Walk

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Hope, Inner Peace, Presence

Last Sunday, I had the chance to be a tourist on a glorious day in DC, and I had such a peaceful day walking the National Mall and monuments for hours and hours. Even though I lived in the DC area for over 12 years, I am still in awe of the majestic views and terrific traffic jams the city has to offer.

This blog post will likely be a wandering journey just like my walk was. My only goal for the day last Sunday was to live in the moment, and to wander where my heart led. So – I am going to use the same approach with my blog post this Sunday. We’ll see what happens!

Armed with comfy walking shoes and my iPod, I started my journey at the National Academy of Sciences so that I could visit my old friend, Albert Einstein.

This is one of my favorite memorials of all time, and I visit Al each time I walk the National Mall. I just love how he’s sitting there, reading and pondering in the natural elements. This image conveys living in the moment in the most perfect way. I hung out with my friend Al for a little while, thinking about one of my favorite quotes of his:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

-Albert Einsten

Oh Al, I am insane so much of the time!! There is something hard-wired in me that makes it very difficult for me to give up – to admit defeat. So I keep trying, sometimes doing the same thing again and again…it’s like banging my own head against a wall. Maybe I am like this as result of growing up in a competitive family…maybe it is because I am a hopeful romantic…there are so many possible explanations. All I know is that I tend to be the kind of person who “leaves it all on the field” so to speak. So yes, I can definitely be more than a little insane! But hey, I never claimed to be a scientist like Al, that is for sure.

I continued my journey, passing the Lincoln Memorial, crossing over to the Tidal Basin because I was eager to see the new Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial.

My takeaway from my visit with MLK is his message of hope, which makes sense given that I am hard-wired as an optimist. This may play into my tendency towards “insanity,” but I have to say I would rather be an insane optimist than a despairing pessimist any day of the week.

Excited to be away from the crowds, I continued my walk around the Tidal Basin to revisit Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and his wife Eleanor.

As I walked through the four sections of the FDR Memorial that represent his four terms, I though about how I spent my first four years after college graduation as a middle school teacher. I had displayed this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt all year long each school year:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

I love this quote because Eleanor reminds us that we have the power – that we are not victims unless we allow ourselves to become so. She was a wise woman.

Onward to visit another old favorite, Thomas Jefferson. TJ had been on my mind recently because I had just served jury duty for the first time just a few days prior. Admittedly, I wasn’t exactly thrilled to have been called to serve, but I did feel it was my civic duty…just as I think voting is a privilege and a right that we are crazy not to exercise. So a little reminder of the powerful words of the Constitution were welcome to me.

I did also think about how it took some time for equal to include African Americans and women…and apparently we still have a ways to go to legalize gay marriage. I sincerely hope we are well on our way to real equality.

I covered the rest of my walk with a pause to watch the kites flying by the Washington Monument, to take a quick look at Michelle Obama’s inaugural gown at the American History Museum, and to walk through the WW II Memorial…and then back to my car once again.

At the end of my walk, I was peaceful, tired, and thoughtful. Tonight as I get ready for the week to begin, I once again feel peaceful, tired and thoughtful.

The Greatest Love of All

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Hope, Inner Peace, Love, Self Reliance

Like so many today, I turned on the television this morning to the massive media coverage of Whitney Houston’s untimely death. After watching the Today Show and surfing the net for a bit, I decided to turn off the TV and to ignore the snarky comments about her drug addiction that some were making on Facebook. Instead, I decided to play her music for a while and to reflect on what I was thinking and feeling.

I remembered the fun I had seeing Whitney in concert when I was 16 at the old Charlotte Coliseum back in 1987. It was the first time my parents let me drive to a concert, and I was excited to drive my friends for our big night out to see Whitney sing her big hits “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” and “The Greatest Love of All.”

I sat and thought about how dramatically her life changed during the years when so many tuned into “Being Bobby Brown”, and how many people were entertained by the drama of her “crazy” life. Watching other people’s pain and chaos on reality television is just something I have never really understood. Addiction is a disease, and while the media will always focus on famous celebrities like Whitney and Amy Winehouse, it is easy for us to forget that so many people struggle with the same issues that they did.

Then, I listened to The Greatest Love of All, and I felt sad that Whitney sounded like she had it all figured out back in 1987, but then struggled with the demons of addiction and a difficult marriage where she clearly never fully recovered. I sat and wondered where the lesson was in this.

Whitney sings that: “The greatest love of all is easy to achieve…Learning to love yourself…It is the greatest love of all.”

It occurred to me that learning to love yourself is not exactly as easy to achieve as it should be. And it is most definitely not easy to maintain in the face of what life throws at us. We all have our own demons and struggles, whether due to addiction, loss, illness, failure…Even if we have it figured out early like Whitney did, many of us struggle to maintain love for ourselves through all of the mistakes we make along they way.

I think that the lesson here is to remember that learning to love yourself truly is the greatest – and probably hardest – love of all. And that we mostly battle ourselves when it comes to achieving it. We carry so many “stories” of not being good enough – and we fight the voice in our heads that someone I know calls “the itty-bitty-shitty committee”. You laughed because maybe you have one too??

I believe that learning to love yourself is how you strengthen yourself to be a better spouse and parent, and employer or employee. Loving yourself is how you serve the community and world around you. I believe that loving yourself will lead to more love, success and happiness in all aspects of your life. Keep at it. It’s worth it.

The Rest is Still “Unwritten”

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Hope
pen and paper

“I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined
I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned”

-Natasha Bedingfield, “Unwritten“

To me, New Year’s means new beginnings. Rather than making resolutions I won’t keep, or looking back at what mistakes I have made or what I did or didn’t accomplish in 2011, I am taking the time to reflect about what I want to do, feel and be in 2012.

What risks am I willing to take? What goals should I set across all areas of my life with my relationships with family and friends, with my career, and with my physical and spiritual self? How do I want to show up every day? How present can I be to what is in front of me each day?

There is no road map – no set course. This is both scary and exhilarating. There are a lot of choices ahead if I can take the time to stop and see them. There are both disappointments and joys ahead – if I have the courage to take some risks.

“Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”

Today I welcome 2012 with open arms. I look ahead with the hope of new possibilities, and I hope the same for you!

Happy New Year!