Category: Energy

My Moment of Surrender

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Choice, Energy, Perspective

“I’ve been in every black hole
At the altar of the dark star
My body’s now a begging bowl
That’s begging to get back, begging to get back
To my heart
To the rhythm of my soul
To the rhythm of my unconsciousness
To the rhythm that yearns
To be released from control

I was punching in the numbers at the ATM machine
I could see in the reflection
A face staring back at me
At the moment of surrender
Of vision over visibility
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me”

“Moment of Surrender” lyrics by U2

Being a novice is so out of my comfort zone…am I alone that I expect myself to be an expert at whatever I try to learn, and to skip right over the discomfort of sucking at something? This is why I will never take up golf. Well… there may be 800 other things I would choose to do before playing golf for 4 hours…but I digress.

I REALLY like to be comfortable. As I write, I am wearing my new “Women’s Fuzzy Popcorn Cardigan Batwing Sleeve Open Front Chunky Sweater”, sipping hot coffee made from my Costa Rican chorreador,  am listening to George Winston on the Google Home network that Jerry has set up in every room our house (he even installed new thermostats so we can ask Google FROM OUR BED to change the temperature), with a special blend of DoTerra lavender, peppermint and lemon essential oils in my diffuser, viewing my work on my relatively new 33 inch monitor (so big that I no longer need my new BRIGHT RED or Leopard Peeper reading glasses to work!). There will never be a shortage of crocheted blankets while I am around.

I drink in comfort through each of my senses like it is hot cocoa with whipped cream and tiny slivers of chocolate that melt in my mouth on a cold fall morning…It is warm, delicious, soul nourishing and where I love to be most of the time.

I have spent the better part of the pandemic making my home as comfortable as possible, realizing recently how deeply I connect to comfort as a coping mechanism for hard things. One glance at my online shopping orders over the last 18 months will prove this – or just read the previous paragraph!  Some of these were gifts, but for the rest, I did choose each and every purchase with the intention to spark some joy into my life in small and big ways with no regrets.

Comfort is my JAM.

Discomfort – is…well…uncomfortable! Why would anyone in their right minds choose to be uncomfortable?

Well, let’s start with the obvious. Growth requires discomfort – physically, emotionally, and/or mentally. Making mistakes and having to learn some lessons…uncomfortable (and often painful). Choosing to try again after failing – definitely uncomfortable. Resolving conflict – uncomfortable.

Now let’s go deeper…

If I really want to live my values, it requires discomfort.

I used to find meditation incredibly uncomfortable. Sitting still with my body and thoughts does not come naturally to me – maybe not to anyone else either I suppose…In the past, the best I could do was to tolerate/enjoy a few minutes of breathing exercises and go about my day. But sitting on a pillow and really surrendering to my thoughts for more than 3 minutes at a time – um, hell no!

Surrendering to meditation, to go “in” to my body, mind, and spirit and to really explore what is in there …sometimes hiding in the shadows…may be one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever done, and yet it is something I am really starting to enjoy. It is still not natural to me, and I am using a variety of tools to help.  

There is something about the word “surrender” that really speaks to me. I am no longer fighting the discomfort of listening to my intuition…or actively trying to avoid it. I am surrendering to it – letting it take me into the unknown (which is the ENTIRE plot of Frozen 2. This idea is NOT unique, I am well aware).

While I can (and will) continue make my surroundings comfortable, I am also exploring how to get more comfortable exploring my intuition and surrendering to its rhythm. Stay tuned.

, , , , , , , , , ,
, ,

Nobody Told Me (There’d Be Days Like These)

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Forgiveness, Hope, Joy, Perspective, Self Reliance

Let me tell you something that no one told me about summertime. For working moms (and maybe stay at home moms too – I am the former, so that is all I know).

SUMMER SUCKS.

I used to love summers. The slower pace, unstructured days/weeks, vacation travel…

These things that I used to love are now my enemies. I have a shit-ton to do. Who has time to relax and go with the flow??? NOT ME! Well – that’s what I thought until I HIT THE WALL on Monday.

On Monday, I was guilty of doing what I do best:

  1. Having unrealistic expectations
  2. Taking on too much
  3. Trying to control uncontrollable situations

Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right? Well – no one got hurt, my partner Jerry dealt with my drama, and I practiced some self-care and realized I needed some alone time to do some “work” on myself. I went for a long walk on the beach, and played my favorite play list REAL LOUD. I finally allowed myself to FEEL some things that I have been avoiding. If anyone out there saw a fast-walking woman crying and then laughing on the Isle of Palms on Monday night – well, you maybe you thought you saw a crazy lady, but really you just witnessed me having the “feels”.

Have you ever fought a nagging feeling? Trying to just “power through” without really getting to the root of the issue? I do this all the time! Then I realize how exhausting it is to play “Whack a Mole” with my emotions – because just like that dang game, that mole pops up somewhere else no matter how hard I hit it. It’s like playing through the pain – I think I can overcome it by just buckling down, by trying harder…working harder. Oh, doesn’t it just sound exhausting??

I have learned some good lessons over the years – and I recognize when my wiring gets me into trouble. I literally can feel it in my body. I am a giver and a doer, and am self-reliant – these are qualities I really like about myself, but too much of a good thing is…not a good thing.

My walk helped me to release that nagging feeling – to finally FEEL it, own it, and start to move through it. At first it felt a little ugly to admit to myself what I was feeling… which is this: I finally realized that on days like Monday, I miss my more simple, carefree life that I had before becoming a full-time mom. In doing so, I brought that darkness out into the light and saw it for what it was – fear. Once I did that, I felt a release – which was followed up with a renewed sense of myself, and something I can only describe as forgiveness – a feeling that helped me to be kinder to myself, and that resulted in some self-confidence and hope that all was going to be ok.

I am pretty sure that every parent feels this way at times. I think is natural and healthy for parents to feel this way – and it felt liberating to realize I can feel this fear while at the same time loving my stepson Eric unconditionally.

My lessons learned:

  1. Expectations: Expecting myself to be a super hero is setting myself up for failure. I felt like a failure on Monday. As much as I admire Wonder Woman – I am not her. I am human, and I need to cut myself some freaking slack. And if you are reading this and nodding your head – you probably could benefit from doing the same thing! Failure is not a kind word. I value kindness, and I value myself – so I am purging the word failure from my vocabulary. I value my ability to do a lot – but I also value myself and my sanity! I can fail (the word fail is totally fine) – I can fail – I have and I will again – and that helps me to learn – but I am not a FAILURE. Nope. Let’s just not use that word to describe ourselves anymore – got it?
  2.  Taking on too much. I have a few remedies for taking on too much:
    • Say “NO.” Without explanation.  “NO” is a one-word sentence. When I feel the need to explain myself, I see the people-pleaser coming out – that person who doesn’t want to disappoint someone, that co-dependent Laurie that takes care of other people at the expense of my own feelings. “No” helps me practice self-care and to continue to break those old habits that did not serve me well.
    • Delegating to someone else. The trick is to allow that person to do it differently and maybe not as well as what you would have done. Because let’s be honest – I know there are a lot of us out there that can get a LOT of shit done, and done pretty well I might add! LOL – see how we can ourselves into trouble?? My friend once said, “I know if I got hit by a bus, my husband would probably feed my kids popcorn for dinner every night, but you know what – he would keep them happy and alive, and that is what matters.” That sentence has stayed with me for years – and helps me keep things in perspective. I know some incredible women who raise the bar HIGH. Expecting their partners, or really anyone else, to be as amazing as they are is… well…see #1!
    • PAUSE. Take a minute to pause and get present. A quick exercise to get present is to go through your 5 senses – what do you see, smell, taste, feel, and hear in this moment? Pausing helps to get perspective – and often when I do, I can catch myself and realize that just because I am busy and “doing” does not mean I am accomplishing something that is meaningful. Pausing helps me connect to the bigger picture – my purpose. If the list of tasks I am trying to work through doesn’t serve that, I can let some things go.

      IMG_7370
       I just had to buy this shirt for Eric a few days ago – and now I realize it has some deeper meaning. “Slow Jam” is my new name to taking a few minutes to pause, slow down and get present to what’s happening – just look how happy that sloth is! And how happy Eric is! Lessons to be learned here!!

 

  • Ask for help. Self-explanatory, but usually not top of mind for me. That’s what I did on Monday, and guess what – Tuesday and Wednesday have been a whole lot better!

3. For trying to control uncontrollable situations – this one is tough. For me, recognizing what I am doing is a huge help. If I catch myself, I can sometimes redirect my energy. It sounds corny – but I use music a lot to help me relax and let go of control. Let it Be, Let it Go – whatever it takes!! I literally wear a ring that says, “Let it Be.” I need the constant reminder! Laughter, fun – anything I can do to help me lighten up also helps me to let go of control. Thankfully I have a partner that really helps me with this. Somehow Jerry can make me laugh during these episodes – there’s probably a survival instinct on his part, but hey – if it works, it works. Pausing to help someone else also helps me to gain perspective – and serves as a reminder that the world does not revolve around me. Taking some time to myself to do the “work” – to get to the root of my feelings, and to move through them rather than avoid them – that helps a lot.

 

 

Not quite sure how to sum up – besides to say that I am going to “slow jam” the rest of my week. And I hope you do too!

The Unforgettable Fire

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Perspective

January 10, 2016

To be sure my head and heart are firmly planted in 2016, I decided to try my “burning ritual” with Jerry this week in order to let go of what weighed me down last year.

Jerry and I sat down to brainstorm about what to burn…it wasn’t too hard to come up with a good list! I am pretty good at figuring out what we need to work on (Jerry is used to this by now – and he’s happy to be along for the ride). It’s doing something about it that is the hard part – that is work.

Here’s the thing. I know that I will continue to struggle with these things this year like I did last year – that is because of my wiring, because of past painful experiences (i.e. baggage), and mostly because I am an actual human being that is most definitely not perfect. And I am certain that more stuff is going to happen in 2016 – and I am sure some of it will be hard – and that some of it will be painful.

Just because I decide that I don’t WANT to feel a certain way doesn’t mean that I can say “poof” and make that feeling disappear. It takes work to process feelings. It takes practice. It takes raising my awareness – getting curious, noticing, acknowledging, and feeling, processing, re-framing, and understanding of my choices – to cope when I am triggered. This is work – and it is work I recommend to anyone who finds oneself constantly negatively reacting to triggers.

This is why I decided on a ritual…I know I can, if only for a moment, remember the feeling of letting go. Combine that with the physical exercise of seeing that trigger turn from a solid piece of paper to ashes in a matter of seconds, and now I have a powerful visual when I need more help.

The hope is that once one of us is triggered, we will remember the paper turning to ash, that we will remember our intention, and channel the “letting go” feeling.

fire
Burning my “co-dependent” & over-fixing tendencies

We are off to a decent start. I found myself triggered almost immediately after publishing my post a few days ago. It was a great test to see if I meant what I said wrote about in that post. Jerry and I were in the car a few days ago when he caught himself – I was delighted when I heard him say – “wait a second – I burned that!” We high-fived each other and moved on with our day instead of getting bogged down in the muck. It won’t always be that easy – but that is why we need to practice. It’s like exercising muscles you never use.

My wise and wonderful friend Kelly recommended The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz to me back in December.

From the Four Agreements:

“Everything we do is based on agreements we have made – agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth.”

The Four Agreements are:

  1. Be impeccable with your word
  2. Don’t take anything personally
  3. Don’t make assumptions
  4. Always do your best

I already know #2 and #3 are HUGE challenges to me. They appeared on those pieces of paper that were burned into ash a few days ago.

I am about to dig into this book in hopes that it will help me in my efforts to let things go. More to come!

 

On a Mission

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Beauty, Energy

Buying my house was a big decision for me – the biggest I have ever made on my own. When I sold my previous house last spring I seriously considered moving to a larger city – or leaving it all and moving to Tuscany…or the Piedmont region of Italy…too many episodes of House Hunters International I suppose.

After some serious soul searching, I decided to plant some roots again here in the Lowcountry. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave my friends and family, and the beauty of this place…just for another step in my career, and the potential for a better singles scene? I dug deep to think about what was important to me – and came to the conclusion that I wanted a real “nest” for the family I would like to build.

I was mortgage free for about a month – and here I am eight months later!

I have been busy “pinning” ideas, reading decorating books like “The Things that Matter” by Nate Berkus, and reading articles – planning for how I want to decorate and fix up my house. Believe me, this house that I love did not have anyone to really love it before me. I find evidence of this every day.

Recently, I came across a great article on Houzz about decorating with intention by creating a mission statement for my house – right up my alley!

I went through the entire mission statement exercise, and this is what I came up with:

“My home is an inviting, energizing, rustic sanctuary where creativity lives and breathes. It is a place where my family and friends gather for warmth, love, connection, fun, peace, and nourishment.”

-Laurie Sessa

Doesn’t that make you want to visit? I sure hope so.

I love the idea of having this mission statement to guide me in my decorating/design decisions. It really simplifies things and keeps me focused. Which is another way of saying, it stops me from buying stupid things. Rather, I am making decisions with purpose and intention…making choices that are tied to my values.

My house isn’t close to there yet – but I sure am working on it. Fueled by my tax return check, I just finished redecorating my bedroom and bathroom, and did a few other things in and around the house.  If you have been reading, you know that I am not exactly handy. I hired some professional help, bribed my dad to do a few small projects, and handled some things on my own (shopping and painting are skills I like to use).

Here are a few examples of what I did – and how it ties to my “mission.”

This is my new chandelier in my dining room. I love the quatrefoil shape, and the weathered look. This is one of those precious things that will stand the test of time. If/when I move – this DOES NOT convey!

New chandelier for my dining room.
New chandelier for my dining room.

This flag was given to me by my very close friends, Mary and Brian, and was flown over Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan on July 28th, 2012. I know this because Brian is a Major in the Air Force, and he gave me this flag along with a certificate after his deployment in Afghanistan. Don’t worry, thanks to Mary, I know and practice flag etiquette. When I raise my Notre Dame flag on occasion, I will properly take down and fold my American flag and store it safely.

Flown over Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan, July 28th, 2012
Flown over Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan, July 28th, 2012

This is my new mosaic mirror. I love mosaics. There is something about making beauty out of chaos that I find appealing. If you look closely in the reflection, you will see Animal and a very small penguin collection. And a glass wine jug filled with yellow forsythia. On my dresser you will see just a few of my accessories and pictures with friends. These are just a few of my favorite things.

Mosiac mirror. LOVE.
Mosiac mirror. LOVE. With some awesome things in the reflection.

I guess I should have taken a before picture of my bedroom so you can really understand the dramatic difference here. But I didn’t because I would like to erase the “before” from my memory. Rest assured (as I do now) that this room is now full of light, serenity, and style.

Updated bedroom with new chair, curtains, walls, ceiling, fan, and bedding.
Updated bedroom with new chair, curtains, walls, ceiling, fan, and bedding.

My mom gave me this vase a few years ago – it spells the word “LOVE.” Every week I buy fresh flowers (most of the time yellow flowers) to fill it. Until a few weeks ago, I had very strange “awnings” covering the windows on the back of my house including this bay window in my kitchen. Those awnings are now gone, and natural light now streams into my kitchen and sun room.

LOVE my vase and fresh yellow flowers.
LOVE my vase and fresh yellow flowers.

That is all for now. Mostly because that is all I can afford to do for now. And because now I have a mission that will help me be deliberate and intentional with my choices…which will naturally slow me down.

Built-ins for my books and desk are on the horizon…stay tuned!

Who Needs a Pep Talk (besides me)?

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Hope, Inner Child

Anyone else out there relieved that January is over? I am. I can speak for me and for many of my friends that it’s been a rough start to 2013. I woke up yesterday morning, February 1st, feeling like it was New Year’s Day all over again. I felt glad to put January behind me, and felt like it was another new beginning – another chance to start the year.

I am not writing this to mope about how awful January was. It was. It could have been worse, but it still sucked. I want to simply acknowledge that it was, and put it behind me – behind all of us that had a similarly rough month. I am writing this because I want to dig deep for the energy it takes to stay hopeful in the face of what life throws at us – find the motivation I need to begin again with renewed energy.

I came across this short youtube video this week and finally watched it yesterday. If you saw my post on Facebook, you already know I feel it was the best 3 minutes and 28 seconds of my 2013. Especially since my 2013 just started yesterday. This little guy who calls himself Kid President gave me the best pep talk I have ever heard:

The cynical part of me knows that someone else wrote this..and edited the heck out of it to make it funny. But guess what, I don’t care because it’s hilarious and what this little guy says is true, and it was exactly the kick in the pants I need.

He says it much better than I can! Here is how I apply it to my life. Not quite as funny, but the point in doing this is to figure out how this helps me. Maybe it helps you too in some way in case you also need a kick in the pants.

Kid President: “The world needs you. Stop being boring.”

Me: Take risks. Be daring. Make choices. Remember doing nothing is still a choice. I want to make an impact – to make a difference.

Kid President: “Life is not a game people…but if life WAS a game, aren’t we all on the same team? I’m on your team. Be on my team!”

Me: Life is too short and is wasted the more I just sit here on the sidelines. Find the people who give me energy and avoid the energy suckers. A rising tide lifts all boats!

Kid President: “A Poem. Two roads diverged in the woods, and I took the road less traveled. And it hurt, man! Really bad!…Not cool Robert Frost.”

Me: Sometimes the choice I make hurts. A lot.

Kid President: “But what if there really were two paths…I want to be on the one that leads to awesome!”

Me: I’ll never know what awesome is until I make a choice to go down one path or another. Hopefully on the other side of pain is something awesome. Like Space Jam.

Kid President: “What will be your Space Jam? What will you create that will make the world awesome? Nothing if you keep sitting there.”

Me: Nothing is going to happen unless I get off of my a$$. My Space Jam is ahead of me. I need to take some action to make it happen.

Kid President: “This is your time. This is my time. This is our time. We can make every day better for each other. If we are all on the same team, we should start acting like it.”

Me: Sounds a little like Mr. Hand…but I digress. I believe that the Golden Rule is the most important life principle ever. I believe that we get what we give, aka cosmic karma. Let’s stop arguing with each other. This is why I don’t watch Fox News EVER.

Kid President: “We got work to do. We can cry about it, or we can dance about it.”

Me: We can mope or we can have fun. I am pretty sure if Kid President were here right now, I would be dancing with him.

Kid President: “You’ve just been pep talked. Create something that will make the world awesome.”

Thanks Kid President! I’ll watch this anytime I need a chuckle, and a kick in the pants. Now I am going to post this and get going!

Unbroken

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Hope, Perspective, Resilience

I do my best thinking when I am running or writing. Or maybe I do my best feeling when I am running or writing – I am not quite sure. I think it’s both – it’s all about the mind/body connection, so I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to get off the couch or out of bed and get moving each time.

In any case, I just got back from a 3 mile run, trying to work off my vacation calories, and I found myself thinking about my friends Jane and John, and their 7 year old daughter Sophia who was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in April of this year.

This is Sophia!

Jane writes a journal on Caring Bridge that not only keeps her friends and family updated about Sophia’s treatments, but also provides us with inspiration and laughter. Talk about vulnerability (see my last post) – Jane shares her fears, her hopes, and funny stories about their journey, and when Sophia writes, her sassiness shines right through.

I was thinking about them because I recently read Jane’s post that was titled “Unbroken.” Jane is reading Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand, a book that I just happened to finish reading a few weeks ago, and she wrote about the parallels between Sophia and the POWs in the book. I enjoyed the book – and was definitely inspired by Louis Zamperini’s amazing story. It is hard to imagine how a person could overcome what he did – but that is not what this blog post is about.

This post is about my amazing friends, John and Jane, whom I have known for almost 20 years, and their increbile family who inspire me on a daily basis with their strength, their vulnerability, their humor, and their overall outlook on life, sickness, family and spirituality.

When I read Jane’s post about how Sophia is getting through her toughest week of treatment, it cut straight to my heart. In Jane’s words, “This kid has toxic poison flowing through her veins and she is still kicking butt.” Like Louis, Sophia has an incredibly strong will, which Jane says keeps them strong as a family.

This child is only 7 years old, and yet she already seems to know who she is, what she is made of, and consistently musters the strength to battle this serious disease. It is truly inspiring to me, and moves me to tears on a regular basis. Sometimes happy tears, sometimes sad tears. Sometimes both at the same time like what is happening to me now as I write this. Sometimes I am sad that they have to experience the pain of what is happening to them. But then, I think it’s because of this sadness that I am so moved by their strength and vulnerability as I realize how much we can learn from them.

Jane uses the word grace on her Light the Night fundraising page to describe how Sophia is enduring her illness and treatment. It is apparent to me that grace is present in their entire family – and shared with their friends and family. There is a higher power at work here – I know this because I can see it and I can feel it.

Their spirit is truly unbroken…and in fact seems stronger to me than ever before, because whether they realize it of not, I feel strengthened each time I read Jane’s journal, each time I see a photograph of Sophia and her siblings, Jack and Christina, each time I read about something funny Sophia did or said, and each time I hear the latest about the Anonymous Monkey Sender (AMS) and his/her antics.

Christina, Jack, Jane, Sophia & John

Their family and friends are walking in the Annapolis, MD Light the Night Walk to raise money for the The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society on October 27th Use this hyperlink if you would like to support Team Sophia: http://pages.lightthenight.org/md/Annapoli12/TeamSophiaMcCaul.

While I can’t be there in person, my heart and spirit will be with them.

Help!

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Inner Peace, Perspective

Help! I can’t seem to get out of my death spiral. If you have been reading a while, you may remember that what I call the death spiral is when I lose it. Like what happened on the 3rd, 4th, 5th & 6th phone calls of the day to AT&T yesterday about my cable/internet outage. It was like I was living in the movie Ground Hog Day – caught in an endless cycle of insanity as the same thing kept happening over and over again. My service had been down for days.  It all started during the massive lightning storm last Saturday night.  It was the most wicked lightning storm in my recent memory. Click this hyperlink to see an amazing photo my friends Clay and Susan took of the lightning over Shem Creek.

My sister Jacquie, and my niece and nephew were visiting last weekend. When the storm hit, we quickly moved away from the windows, grabbed the wine, iPads and iPhones and gathered in my bedroom to wait out the storm. You can imagine our alarm when we heard fire trucks arrive, and saw the fireman hooking up their hose to the hydrant in my front yard. Pretty exciting for Day 5 in the new house!

After the storm, we met the firemen (see below), and learned that lightning had struck my neighbor’s house, and they put out a small fire.

Me and the Firemen

Thankfully no one was hurt, and amazingly we still had power, but, alas, no cable or internet.  So we spent the rest of the weekend playing board games and watching movies – no big deal. AT&T restored my service Monday, but everything went out again the next day for some reason. Now things were getting frustrating.

The “inside” technician (Len) who arrived the next day explained that the outage was happening somewhere “outside”, which meant an “outside” technician had to be scheduled.  So the next day, AT&T called to confirm my appointment for an “inside” technician – and had my old address. What?? So after calling several times to be CERTAIN they had the right information…guess what happened. Not only did they still send me an inside tech by mistake – it was Len again! So despite every effort I made to avoid it – the exact same thing happened.

So today, I know I am in the death spiral – at least I can say I am a little self aware. I love my new house, but Week 1 has been full of challenges. The HVAC is only cooling to 79 degrees, and after a battle with my home warranty company – that should be fixed in “3-5 business days”…and a fire across the street…seriously? I know my cable/wireless outage is not the end of the world. Through in a service call on the fridge, and you would start to question your decision too!

I know it could be so much worse. I am TRYING to regain perspective. But I am struggling to stop the spiral. I just COULDN’T resist calling AT&T one more time this morning thinking that I may be able to make a difference – and not surprisingly – I ended up more upset in the process.

Haven’t you been there too? When you think that you can change something – but you can’t, and you just end up banging your head against the wall?

I know I am in a classic example of Stephen Covey’s paradigm of the Circle of Concern/Influence, and I can’t seem to stop the insanity. Also I am forgetting Covey’s 90/10 Principle – and I seem to have completely forgotten that while I can’t control what AT&T is doing (or not doing) – I can control my reaction. With the pressure of so many things (or triggers), I have been blind to the choices in front of me – and I am back to being a pinball in something like the Plinko machine I had as a kid. And it’s not that simple to “chillax” as my nephew would say.

Here is my attempt to re-create the paradigm:

Laurie’s Circle of Concern/Influence

Can’t you feel the negative energy pushing the circle of influence smaller?

What I always loved about Covey was his ability to make his concepts visual. Creating this is a great reminder that I am colossally wasting my energy, and the more I keep at it – the worse it is getting.  

As usual, writing is helping me to clear out the cobwebs in my head. That and Donald, the “outside technician” knocked on my door as I was writing. I almost hugged him upon his arrival. He promised to get things fixed in an hour – and guess what, I am now back online! He was just a little sweaty – so it wasn’t too hard to resist hugging him goodbye.

Tonight I am finally going to chillax and watch the Olympics.

Dog Days of Summer

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Perspective

It’s hot. Everywhere. A Reuters release a few hours ago indicated that the Continental U.S. broke the heat record in the first half of 2012, so I am certain I am not crazy. At least not about that.

I have lived in paradise here in the Lowcountry for more than eight years, but I still haven’t gotten used to dealing with the heat, humidity and bugs that make me want to stay cooped up inside in the air conditioning in July and August. Pools are too warm to be refreshing. The beach is too hot, muggy and crowded to enjoy. It’s too hot to run, my favorite exercise…wah wah wah…I used to have a coffee mug that said “No Whining” but I accidentally broke it. Clearly I need to replace it.

For the last few weeks, I haven’t been writing at all, I am out of my exercise routine, and I wound up with a wicked summer cold. The last few days have found me particularly lethargic… Even Derby isn’t feeling well – as I write this he is taking a nap in my closet. Poor guy has a double ear infection, and is clearly not himself. We are quite a pair!

Derby napping in my closet

After a trip to the emergency vet yesterday to figure out what was wrong with Derby, I finally sat down to write and think about my state of mind and my state (and Derby’s!) of physical being. I was tired of feeling tired. I had crossed the line into self pity and general “mopeyness” (not really a word but still says it best)…and I knew I needed to work a few things out in my head and get a grip.

I asked myself – where is the fine line between rest and lethargy? Between healing and moping? Between relaxation and rumination?

For sure sometimes we need to allow ourselves the time and space to rest and heal – whether from illness, heartbreak or the like. But sometimes we wallow. Sometimes we mope. Sometimes we cross that line into inertia and don’t realize it…I was definitely there, and started to see things a little more clearly. Do you know what I mean? It’s the simple difference between taking a nap and waking up refreshed versus clicking through TV stations for two hours feeling tired and listless. Except on a grander scale.

As I thought about the questions, some answers started to percolate. I started to realize that the key for me is awareness, purpose, and intention. I realized that If I am aware of how I am feeling and why, I can clearly think about what I need, and I can start to take purposeful steps to meet those needs. If I need to rest, I can take a nap to take care of myself rather than feel guilty that I am restless on the couch channel surfing rather than being productive.

It’s as simple as being mindful rather than mindless. I can be mindful and be in a state of rest and healing…or I can be mindless and feel idle and lethargic. One gives me energy. The other zaps it.

Can it really be that simple??

Uh, no. So what gets in the way? Get ready for the list. I sat and literally wrote a list of what I labeled:

“Energy Suckers”

  1. Self doubt disguised as voices in my head that say “you can’t” or “you’re not good enough” or “you don’t deserve it.”
  2. Giving too much – not saying no.
  3. Resentments that I haven’t let go. Just like Florence sings… “I’m always dragging that horse around.”
  4. Fear paralysis. What if? What’s next?
  5. Self pity.
  6. Looking for validation from others – rather than from within.
  7. Unhealthy eating and/or drinking.
  8. Ignoring my feelings by brushing off any negative emotion rather than becoming aware of what it is and where it comes from.
  9. Doing too much – focusing on doing rather than being.
  10. Inertia – doing nothing yet not resting.
  11. Not engaging my brain – mindlessness v. mindfulness.

What zaps YOUR energy? Who and what are your energy suckers?

If you have been reading my blog for a while, then you know I like to flip things around, so…

Here is a list of my energy remedies, aka…

“Energizers”

  1. Getting a good night’s sleep. Or a great nap. I can learn from Derby – who by the way is still napping, but has now moved to the couch. He doesn’t seem to be feeling guilty – he is resting and healing.
  2. Writing. Nothing clears my head like writing does.
  3. Asking a friend for help. Or going to the doctor for a diagnosis and some medicine.
  4. Helping someone in need…and re-gaining perspective.
  5. Reflecting on my growth and lessons learned.
  6. Listening to music. Recent favorite song includes Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine and my newest Pandora addition, George Michael…
  7. Reading a book. Recent favorite, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
  8. Exercising – yes, even in this terrible heat. Who says walking isn’t exercise? Derby and I went for a walk this morning, and I think we both feel a little better as a result.
  9. Creating something – by cooking something fresh and healthy or making jewelry.
  10. Laughter (remember my Belly Laugh post…).

What is on your list? What energizes you?