Category: Perspective

Dog Days of Summer

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Perspective

It’s hot. Everywhere. A Reuters release a few hours ago indicated that the Continental U.S. broke the heat record in the first half of 2012, so I am certain I am not crazy. At least not about that.

I have lived in paradise here in the Lowcountry for more than eight years, but I still haven’t gotten used to dealing with the heat, humidity and bugs that make me want to stay cooped up inside in the air conditioning in July and August. Pools are too warm to be refreshing. The beach is too hot, muggy and crowded to enjoy. It’s too hot to run, my favorite exercise…wah wah wah…I used to have a coffee mug that said “No Whining” but I accidentally broke it. Clearly I need to replace it.

For the last few weeks, I haven’t been writing at all, I am out of my exercise routine, and I wound up with a wicked summer cold. The last few days have found me particularly lethargic… Even Derby isn’t feeling well – as I write this he is taking a nap in my closet. Poor guy has a double ear infection, and is clearly not himself. We are quite a pair!

Derby napping in my closet

After a trip to the emergency vet yesterday to figure out what was wrong with Derby, I finally sat down to write and think about my state of mind and my state (and Derby’s!) of physical being. I was tired of feeling tired. I had crossed the line into self pity and general “mopeyness” (not really a word but still says it best)…and I knew I needed to work a few things out in my head and get a grip.

I asked myself – where is the fine line between rest and lethargy? Between healing and moping? Between relaxation and rumination?

For sure sometimes we need to allow ourselves the time and space to rest and heal – whether from illness, heartbreak or the like. But sometimes we wallow. Sometimes we mope. Sometimes we cross that line into inertia and don’t realize it…I was definitely there, and started to see things a little more clearly. Do you know what I mean? It’s the simple difference between taking a nap and waking up refreshed versus clicking through TV stations for two hours feeling tired and listless. Except on a grander scale.

As I thought about the questions, some answers started to percolate. I started to realize that the key for me is awareness, purpose, and intention. I realized that If I am aware of how I am feeling and why, I can clearly think about what I need, and I can start to take purposeful steps to meet those needs. If I need to rest, I can take a nap to take care of myself rather than feel guilty that I am restless on the couch channel surfing rather than being productive.

It’s as simple as being mindful rather than mindless. I can be mindful and be in a state of rest and healing…or I can be mindless and feel idle and lethargic. One gives me energy. The other zaps it.

Can it really be that simple??

Uh, no. So what gets in the way? Get ready for the list. I sat and literally wrote a list of what I labeled:

“Energy Suckers”

  1. Self doubt disguised as voices in my head that say “you can’t” or “you’re not good enough” or “you don’t deserve it.”
  2. Giving too much – not saying no.
  3. Resentments that I haven’t let go. Just like Florence sings… “I’m always dragging that horse around.”
  4. Fear paralysis. What if? What’s next?
  5. Self pity.
  6. Looking for validation from others – rather than from within.
  7. Unhealthy eating and/or drinking.
  8. Ignoring my feelings by brushing off any negative emotion rather than becoming aware of what it is and where it comes from.
  9. Doing too much – focusing on doing rather than being.
  10. Inertia – doing nothing yet not resting.
  11. Not engaging my brain – mindlessness v. mindfulness.

What zaps YOUR energy? Who and what are your energy suckers?

If you have been reading my blog for a while, then you know I like to flip things around, so…

Here is a list of my energy remedies, aka…

“Energizers”

  1. Getting a good night’s sleep. Or a great nap. I can learn from Derby – who by the way is still napping, but has now moved to the couch. He doesn’t seem to be feeling guilty – he is resting and healing.
  2. Writing. Nothing clears my head like writing does.
  3. Asking a friend for help. Or going to the doctor for a diagnosis and some medicine.
  4. Helping someone in need…and re-gaining perspective.
  5. Reflecting on my growth and lessons learned.
  6. Listening to music. Recent favorite song includes Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine and my newest Pandora addition, George Michael…
  7. Reading a book. Recent favorite, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
  8. Exercising – yes, even in this terrible heat. Who says walking isn’t exercise? Derby and I went for a walk this morning, and I think we both feel a little better as a result.
  9. Creating something – by cooking something fresh and healthy or making jewelry.
  10. Laughter (remember my Belly Laugh post…).

What is on your list? What energizes you?

Redefining The Wall

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Perspective, Risk Taking, Self Reliance

My brother Geoff, his wife Catherine, and I “competed” in the “Warrior Dash” in Huntersville, NC this Saturday. I am not sure how I got involved in doing this with them…I think I’ll blame Groupon. And maybe my friend Janet, my running buddy, because she has been trying to convince me to do something like this for a while. So when Catherine sent me the Groupon for the race (so she may have some culpability in this as well), I had to decide quickly because that is how Groupon gets you. Half price to risk my life – what a bargain! In the spirit of my journey to take more risks in 2012, I signed up.

The Warrior Dash is the world’s largest foot race with obstacles…which included a fire pit, a muddy pond, a rope bridge, tires, beat-up cars, and a long crawl through mud covered in barbed wire as well as many walls with varying heights, angles, aids, and treachery. All of these things we ran over, under, through or around for 3.08 miles to get to the finish line. To get a feel of what we did, check out this out. A guy with some kind of camera/helmet thingy, carrying an American flag, made this 3 minute video of our race from Saturday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfNISwztIEY

In preparing for the race, I tried not to stress out about how I was going to handle the obstacles. I knew I could always skip ones that were too hard – I wasn’t running to win anything. And I knew I would get a medal just for crossing the finish line…and a free beer!  I just wanted to have fun with Geoff and Catherine and knew we would have a lot of laughs. So I concentrated on what I was going to wear and how I was going to style my hair given how dirty I was likely to get. No other training besides my regular running routine took place.

What happened on race day exceeded my expectations in so many ways. First, some of the obstacles were a LOT harder than I expected. After a trek through a few disgustingly muddy obstacles in the woods, we found ourselves facing a 20+ ft rock climbing wall. If you don’t know what this is, please let me explain. It is a vertical wall with little tiny ledges you use for your hands and feet to climb. There are no harnesses or safety nets. This is probably why we each had to sign the waiver about 30 times with our names and initials. Anyway, my point is that our shoes were caked with mud and we were to climb this thing and not fall off. Add the fact that I am pigeon-toed and you have a recipe for disaster. Geoff and Catherine were like spider monkeys…I was so impressed! So I gave it a shot and up I went.

What I didn’t realize is that after about 6 feet up, it became much scarier to think about coming down from whence I came than it was to continue…so I kept going up and tried not to think about anything. I got to the top with a little nudge from the guy below me and a kinda crazy tuck and roll move onto the platform. Whew!! Then, as if that isn’t enough, when I got to the top of this thing, I had to leap out about 4 feet and grab a fireman’s pole to slide down. And then about 6 more obstacles to go after this…

Another thing that exceed my expectations is that I got a lot dirtier and wetter than I ever imagined.

There was no way around the muddy pond obstacle except through it…and the water was over our heads. Ick!!! We came out of it covered in what Geoff called pond seaweed…but I called pond scum. Ugh. It was at least as awful as it looks in that video.

By the time we got to the end, we no longer cared about how gross we were. Well, maybe I did, because I scratched up my elbows and hands pretty good trying to not immerse myself in mud in the final mud crawl under the barbed wire obstacle…

In the end, I completed more of the obstacles than I thought that I would (11 out of 12). Geoff and Catherine did ALL of them – I am in awe. I always have a goal for each race I enter… sometimes it is about time, sometimes distance, and sometimes it is about simply finishing. For the Warrior Dash, my goal was to have fun with Geoff and Catherine and to not hurt myself. Minus a few scrapes, blisters and bruises, I did what I set out to do and then some. Geoff, Catherine and I have stories that will last us a lifetime, and hilarious pictures for our Christmas cards.

But – this story can’t be a true blog post without my comments on my lessons learned.

So I got to thinking about something I have heard my dad say about me and my siblings many times. He says if there was a wall, my older sister Jacquie would bust through to the other side, that I would find a way to “dance” around the wall to get to the other side, and that Geoff would choose stay on his side of the wall. Let me tell you he was right that I did run around (not exactly dance) one wall that I just couldn’t get over. But – I saw my brother in action, and he was fearless conquering the multitude of walls that we encountered on Saturday, and I know he has conquered many other kinds of “walls” in his life as well.

So here is what I think. The idea of “The Wall” can mean different things to different people. And it can mean different things to us at different times of our lives. It can represent risk, and it can represent boundaries. The “wall” can mean it’s time to rest, and it can mean it’s time to push through. The wall can conjure danger, opportunity, obstacles, and safety. The key is to increase our awareness of the walls that exist in our lives so that the walls don’t control us. It’s not that we control them either. Rather, we recognize the walls – understand them, define them, and figure out what they means to us – and then we can make conscious choices with our actions, thoughts and feelings about how we cope with these walls in our lives.

Also, as a side note, I learned at the rock climbing wall that sometimes the risk of moving ahead is worth it compared to the pain of going backwards. What a metaphor, right? On the same said wall, and in the pond scum obstacle, I learned that help from a friend or a stranger is there if you ask and are willing to accept the help.

Will I do the Warrior Dash again next year – absolutely! As long as Catherine and Geoff are there to help me, and maybe we can get Jacquie out there too.

Wonder Women

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Inner Child, Perspective

I bought this mug a few days ago in an adorable shop in Georgetown in between business meetings.

I have a special talent…give me an extra 15 minutes before I need to be somewhere, and I will not only find a great shop, I’ll find several things that I don’t need but must have (for me or for someone else), and I will somehow find room for all of it in my suitcase. This Wonder Woman mug is the second in what I guess is now my Wonder Woman coffee mug collection. I am not exactly sure why I started this collection. I found the first one during a walk in downtown Charleston with my friend Janet last year. We stopped in at the Moon Pie store (yes you read that correctly – a Moon Pie store) where I found the mug and knew I had to have it. Here is the original:

I suppose it has something to do with being inspired with the phrase: “As lovely as Aphrodite, as wise as Athena” which is printed on on the back both of my mugs. Beauty and brains with braun mixed in – an attractive combination of qualities, don’t you think?

Each morning, the very first thing I do is let my dog Derby out and then immediately turn on my Keurig machine to make my cup of coffee. I turn on the Today Show, sit on my couch, and contemplate the day ahead. I am pretty sure I can face whatever the day brings when I take this time for myself – especially if my Wonder Woman mug is clean!

Well, today is Mother’s Day, and as I reflected during my morning ritual this morning, I started thinking about the “Wonder Women” in my life.

A few weekends ago, I got together with five of my college roommates for a mini-vacation in Florida. We shared stories with each other that would rival any chick lit novel out there! But alas, I (and they) are sworn to secrecy, so you won’t be reading our stories here or in any pending novel that I may or may not have up my sleeve.

That said, as I sat and thought about the six of us, I thought about how incredible it would be if we happened to have any of Wonder Woman’s powers, and decided to start writing to see where my thoughts would lead.

First of all, I thought about how I could REALLY use an invisible plane – one that I could  pilot the way that Wonder Woman does. It would be amazing to be able to go anywhere I wanted to go in complete stealth mode – and to be able to bring my Super Friends with me would be an added bonus! No more worrying about stuffing my clothes and purchases into my carry on…there would be room for my hot rollers too, and I could avoid having to be polite to strangers.

Second, I know the six of us could use the golden lasso of truth. Imagine the power we would have over children, spouses, significant others, bosses and colleagues if we could force them to always tell the truth! To know what the other person is thinking and feeling – no fears, no games – how refreshing that would be!

Third, I know all of us could put the indestructible bracelets to use on a daily basis. Wonder Woman always seemed to need hers to deflect bullets. I don’t think any of us have been shot at…but we could use the bracelets in a different way – to deflect all negative things that come our way – no energy suckers, no negativity, no angst, no self-doubt, no fears…no sickness, no sadness…I wish that were possible.

But – alas, we are mere mortals. We are human just like everyone else…vulnerable to the ups and downs that life brings to each of us. And as we get older, I realize that life throws a lot at all of us, and we all cope in different ways.

What makes these “wonder women” special is how they have the beauty, brains and braun to cope from within – no super powers necessary! These ladies – as many others in my life, emanate grace in the face of both the highs and the lows that life brings to all of us. They are mothers, wives, daughters and friends who don’t hesitate to put their loved ones first.

Today I celebrate these special women, as well as the other Wonder Women in my life – you know who you are! You are all as beautiful as Aphrodite and as wise as Athena in my book.

I feel…Wicked

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Perspective

Wicked (musical)

I had the most delightful day yesterday! What better way to spend a dreary, rainy Sunday than at the Wicked matinee in the 5th row with my very good friend Margaret. There is nothing like a musical to bring a story to life. Who doesn’t love watching actors suddenly breaking into song and dancing around in crazy costumes?? We both love a good story – especially one like Wicked about love, empowerment, and friendship. Throw in themes about the power of public relations, the yearning for popularity, a love triangle, betrayal, and animal rights and you have quite a story!

In case you aren’t familiar with the plot, Wicked is the story of Elphaba, who we have always known as the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz, and Glinda, (formerly known as Galinda) who we have known as the Good Witch of the North. Traditionally, we have all thought of Elphaba as an evil, ugly, angry witch who hates Dorothy and her friends Scarecrow, Tin Man and the Lion and only wants to hurt them in her quest for power. And we have thought of Glinda as the Dorothy’s savior in her quest to return home. Here’s a secret for you and for anyone who has seen Wicked – we had it all wrong!!

I have seen the Wizard of Oz more times than I can count. It happens to be in my top movies of all time – actually second only to The Sound of Music, coincidentally another movie musical.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be moved to tears cheering for the Wicked Witch – but that is exactly how I found myself, trying to inconspicuously wipe my eyes at the end of her rendition of Defying Gravity when the lights came up at intermission. Who knew that the Wicked Witch – which I will now always refer to as Elphie, would become an example of perseverance, friendship, love and empowerment as she is portrayed in Wicked??

Wicked shows us how there could be a whole lot more to the story. If we were to dig deeper, if we were to learn the history of Elphie and Glinda, if we look at the “other” side of the story – wow, we sure learn a LOT more.

My friend Margaret said it best – it’s like everything she knew to be true before could be completely wrong!

It occurs to me – what other stories – the ones I make up about myself or the ones I make up about others – do I carry around with me that could be completely wrong?? Oh I know there are a lot. I like to summarize my stories in my own way – serving whatever purpose my head has in mind at the moment. If I decided to look more deeply, or to look at my stories from a different perspective, what alternative happy endings may be possible?