Dog Days of Summer

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Energy, Perspective

It’s hot. Everywhere. A Reuters release a few hours ago indicated that the Continental U.S. broke the heat record in the first half of 2012, so I am certain I am not crazy. At least not about that.

I have lived in paradise here in the Lowcountry for more than eight years, but I still haven’t gotten used to dealing with the heat, humidity and bugs that make me want to stay cooped up inside in the air conditioning in July and August. Pools are too warm to be refreshing. The beach is too hot, muggy and crowded to enjoy. It’s too hot to run, my favorite exercise…wah wah wah…I used to have a coffee mug that said “No Whining” but I accidentally broke it. Clearly I need to replace it.

For the last few weeks, I haven’t been writing at all, I am out of my exercise routine, and I wound up with a wicked summer cold. The last few days have found me particularly lethargic… Even Derby isn’t feeling well – as I write this he is taking a nap in my closet. Poor guy has a double ear infection, and is clearly not himself. We are quite a pair!

Derby napping in my closet

After a trip to the emergency vet yesterday to figure out what was wrong with Derby, I finally sat down to write and think about my state of mind and my state (and Derby’s!) of physical being. I was tired of feeling tired. I had crossed the line into self pity and general “mopeyness” (not really a word but still says it best)…and I knew I needed to work a few things out in my head and get a grip.

I asked myself – where is the fine line between rest and lethargy? Between healing and moping? Between relaxation and rumination?

For sure sometimes we need to allow ourselves the time and space to rest and heal – whether from illness, heartbreak or the like. But sometimes we wallow. Sometimes we mope. Sometimes we cross that line into inertia and don’t realize it…I was definitely there, and started to see things a little more clearly. Do you know what I mean? It’s the simple difference between taking a nap and waking up refreshed versus clicking through TV stations for two hours feeling tired and listless. Except on a grander scale.

As I thought about the questions, some answers started to percolate. I started to realize that the key for me is awareness, purpose, and intention. I realized that If I am aware of how I am feeling and why, I can clearly think about what I need, and I can start to take purposeful steps to meet those needs. If I need to rest, I can take a nap to take care of myself rather than feel guilty that I am restless on the couch channel surfing rather than being productive.

It’s as simple as being mindful rather than mindless. I can be mindful and be in a state of rest and healing…or I can be mindless and feel idle and lethargic. One gives me energy. The other zaps it.

Can it really be that simple??

Uh, no. So what gets in the way? Get ready for the list. I sat and literally wrote a list of what I labeled:

“Energy Suckers”

  1. Self doubt disguised as voices in my head that say “you can’t” or “you’re not good enough” or “you don’t deserve it.”
  2. Giving too much – not saying no.
  3. Resentments that I haven’t let go. Just like Florence sings… “I’m always dragging that horse around.”
  4. Fear paralysis. What if? What’s next?
  5. Self pity.
  6. Looking for validation from others – rather than from within.
  7. Unhealthy eating and/or drinking.
  8. Ignoring my feelings by brushing off any negative emotion rather than becoming aware of what it is and where it comes from.
  9. Doing too much – focusing on doing rather than being.
  10. Inertia – doing nothing yet not resting.
  11. Not engaging my brain – mindlessness v. mindfulness.

What zaps YOUR energy? Who and what are your energy suckers?

If you have been reading my blog for a while, then you know I like to flip things around, so…

Here is a list of my energy remedies, aka…

“Energizers”

  1. Getting a good night’s sleep. Or a great nap. I can learn from Derby – who by the way is still napping, but has now moved to the couch. He doesn’t seem to be feeling guilty – he is resting and healing.
  2. Writing. Nothing clears my head like writing does.
  3. Asking a friend for help. Or going to the doctor for a diagnosis and some medicine.
  4. Helping someone in need…and re-gaining perspective.
  5. Reflecting on my growth and lessons learned.
  6. Listening to music. Recent favorite song includes Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine and my newest Pandora addition, George Michael…
  7. Reading a book. Recent favorite, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
  8. Exercising – yes, even in this terrible heat. Who says walking isn’t exercise? Derby and I went for a walk this morning, and I think we both feel a little better as a result.
  9. Creating something – by cooking something fresh and healthy or making jewelry.
  10. Laughter (remember my Belly Laugh post…).

What is on your list? What energizes you?

A Monumental Walk

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Hope, Inner Peace, Presence

Last Sunday, I had the chance to be a tourist on a glorious day in DC, and I had such a peaceful day walking the National Mall and monuments for hours and hours. Even though I lived in the DC area for over 12 years, I am still in awe of the majestic views and terrific traffic jams the city has to offer.

This blog post will likely be a wandering journey just like my walk was. My only goal for the day last Sunday was to live in the moment, and to wander where my heart led. So – I am going to use the same approach with my blog post this Sunday. We’ll see what happens!

Armed with comfy walking shoes and my iPod, I started my journey at the National Academy of Sciences so that I could visit my old friend, Albert Einstein.

This is one of my favorite memorials of all time, and I visit Al each time I walk the National Mall. I just love how he’s sitting there, reading and pondering in the natural elements. This image conveys living in the moment in the most perfect way. I hung out with my friend Al for a little while, thinking about one of my favorite quotes of his:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

-Albert Einsten

Oh Al, I am insane so much of the time!! There is something hard-wired in me that makes it very difficult for me to give up – to admit defeat. So I keep trying, sometimes doing the same thing again and again…it’s like banging my own head against a wall. Maybe I am like this as result of growing up in a competitive family…maybe it is because I am a hopeful romantic…there are so many possible explanations. All I know is that I tend to be the kind of person who “leaves it all on the field” so to speak. So yes, I can definitely be more than a little insane! But hey, I never claimed to be a scientist like Al, that is for sure.

I continued my journey, passing the Lincoln Memorial, crossing over to the Tidal Basin because I was eager to see the new Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial.

My takeaway from my visit with MLK is his message of hope, which makes sense given that I am hard-wired as an optimist. This may play into my tendency towards “insanity,” but I have to say I would rather be an insane optimist than a despairing pessimist any day of the week.

Excited to be away from the crowds, I continued my walk around the Tidal Basin to revisit Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and his wife Eleanor.

As I walked through the four sections of the FDR Memorial that represent his four terms, I though about how I spent my first four years after college graduation as a middle school teacher. I had displayed this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt all year long each school year:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

I love this quote because Eleanor reminds us that we have the power – that we are not victims unless we allow ourselves to become so. She was a wise woman.

Onward to visit another old favorite, Thomas Jefferson. TJ had been on my mind recently because I had just served jury duty for the first time just a few days prior. Admittedly, I wasn’t exactly thrilled to have been called to serve, but I did feel it was my civic duty…just as I think voting is a privilege and a right that we are crazy not to exercise. So a little reminder of the powerful words of the Constitution were welcome to me.

I did also think about how it took some time for equal to include African Americans and women…and apparently we still have a ways to go to legalize gay marriage. I sincerely hope we are well on our way to real equality.

I covered the rest of my walk with a pause to watch the kites flying by the Washington Monument, to take a quick look at Michelle Obama’s inaugural gown at the American History Museum, and to walk through the WW II Memorial…and then back to my car once again.

At the end of my walk, I was peaceful, tired, and thoughtful. Tonight as I get ready for the week to begin, I once again feel peaceful, tired and thoughtful.

Redefining The Wall

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Perspective, Risk Taking, Self Reliance

My brother Geoff, his wife Catherine, and I “competed” in the “Warrior Dash” in Huntersville, NC this Saturday. I am not sure how I got involved in doing this with them…I think I’ll blame Groupon. And maybe my friend Janet, my running buddy, because she has been trying to convince me to do something like this for a while. So when Catherine sent me the Groupon for the race (so she may have some culpability in this as well), I had to decide quickly because that is how Groupon gets you. Half price to risk my life – what a bargain! In the spirit of my journey to take more risks in 2012, I signed up.

The Warrior Dash is the world’s largest foot race with obstacles…which included a fire pit, a muddy pond, a rope bridge, tires, beat-up cars, and a long crawl through mud covered in barbed wire as well as many walls with varying heights, angles, aids, and treachery. All of these things we ran over, under, through or around for 3.08 miles to get to the finish line. To get a feel of what we did, check out this out. A guy with some kind of camera/helmet thingy, carrying an American flag, made this 3 minute video of our race from Saturday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfNISwztIEY

In preparing for the race, I tried not to stress out about how I was going to handle the obstacles. I knew I could always skip ones that were too hard – I wasn’t running to win anything. And I knew I would get a medal just for crossing the finish line…and a free beer!  I just wanted to have fun with Geoff and Catherine and knew we would have a lot of laughs. So I concentrated on what I was going to wear and how I was going to style my hair given how dirty I was likely to get. No other training besides my regular running routine took place.

What happened on race day exceeded my expectations in so many ways. First, some of the obstacles were a LOT harder than I expected. After a trek through a few disgustingly muddy obstacles in the woods, we found ourselves facing a 20+ ft rock climbing wall. If you don’t know what this is, please let me explain. It is a vertical wall with little tiny ledges you use for your hands and feet to climb. There are no harnesses or safety nets. This is probably why we each had to sign the waiver about 30 times with our names and initials. Anyway, my point is that our shoes were caked with mud and we were to climb this thing and not fall off. Add the fact that I am pigeon-toed and you have a recipe for disaster. Geoff and Catherine were like spider monkeys…I was so impressed! So I gave it a shot and up I went.

What I didn’t realize is that after about 6 feet up, it became much scarier to think about coming down from whence I came than it was to continue…so I kept going up and tried not to think about anything. I got to the top with a little nudge from the guy below me and a kinda crazy tuck and roll move onto the platform. Whew!! Then, as if that isn’t enough, when I got to the top of this thing, I had to leap out about 4 feet and grab a fireman’s pole to slide down. And then about 6 more obstacles to go after this…

Another thing that exceed my expectations is that I got a lot dirtier and wetter than I ever imagined.

There was no way around the muddy pond obstacle except through it…and the water was over our heads. Ick!!! We came out of it covered in what Geoff called pond seaweed…but I called pond scum. Ugh. It was at least as awful as it looks in that video.

By the time we got to the end, we no longer cared about how gross we were. Well, maybe I did, because I scratched up my elbows and hands pretty good trying to not immerse myself in mud in the final mud crawl under the barbed wire obstacle…

In the end, I completed more of the obstacles than I thought that I would (11 out of 12). Geoff and Catherine did ALL of them – I am in awe. I always have a goal for each race I enter… sometimes it is about time, sometimes distance, and sometimes it is about simply finishing. For the Warrior Dash, my goal was to have fun with Geoff and Catherine and to not hurt myself. Minus a few scrapes, blisters and bruises, I did what I set out to do and then some. Geoff, Catherine and I have stories that will last us a lifetime, and hilarious pictures for our Christmas cards.

But – this story can’t be a true blog post without my comments on my lessons learned.

So I got to thinking about something I have heard my dad say about me and my siblings many times. He says if there was a wall, my older sister Jacquie would bust through to the other side, that I would find a way to “dance” around the wall to get to the other side, and that Geoff would choose stay on his side of the wall. Let me tell you he was right that I did run around (not exactly dance) one wall that I just couldn’t get over. But – I saw my brother in action, and he was fearless conquering the multitude of walls that we encountered on Saturday, and I know he has conquered many other kinds of “walls” in his life as well.

So here is what I think. The idea of “The Wall” can mean different things to different people. And it can mean different things to us at different times of our lives. It can represent risk, and it can represent boundaries. The “wall” can mean it’s time to rest, and it can mean it’s time to push through. The wall can conjure danger, opportunity, obstacles, and safety. The key is to increase our awareness of the walls that exist in our lives so that the walls don’t control us. It’s not that we control them either. Rather, we recognize the walls – understand them, define them, and figure out what they means to us – and then we can make conscious choices with our actions, thoughts and feelings about how we cope with these walls in our lives.

Also, as a side note, I learned at the rock climbing wall that sometimes the risk of moving ahead is worth it compared to the pain of going backwards. What a metaphor, right? On the same said wall, and in the pond scum obstacle, I learned that help from a friend or a stranger is there if you ask and are willing to accept the help.

Will I do the Warrior Dash again next year – absolutely! As long as Catherine and Geoff are there to help me, and maybe we can get Jacquie out there too.

Wonder Women

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Inner Child, Perspective

I bought this mug a few days ago in an adorable shop in Georgetown in between business meetings.

I have a special talent…give me an extra 15 minutes before I need to be somewhere, and I will not only find a great shop, I’ll find several things that I don’t need but must have (for me or for someone else), and I will somehow find room for all of it in my suitcase. This Wonder Woman mug is the second in what I guess is now my Wonder Woman coffee mug collection. I am not exactly sure why I started this collection. I found the first one during a walk in downtown Charleston with my friend Janet last year. We stopped in at the Moon Pie store (yes you read that correctly – a Moon Pie store) where I found the mug and knew I had to have it. Here is the original:

I suppose it has something to do with being inspired with the phrase: “As lovely as Aphrodite, as wise as Athena” which is printed on on the back both of my mugs. Beauty and brains with braun mixed in – an attractive combination of qualities, don’t you think?

Each morning, the very first thing I do is let my dog Derby out and then immediately turn on my Keurig machine to make my cup of coffee. I turn on the Today Show, sit on my couch, and contemplate the day ahead. I am pretty sure I can face whatever the day brings when I take this time for myself – especially if my Wonder Woman mug is clean!

Well, today is Mother’s Day, and as I reflected during my morning ritual this morning, I started thinking about the “Wonder Women” in my life.

A few weekends ago, I got together with five of my college roommates for a mini-vacation in Florida. We shared stories with each other that would rival any chick lit novel out there! But alas, I (and they) are sworn to secrecy, so you won’t be reading our stories here or in any pending novel that I may or may not have up my sleeve.

That said, as I sat and thought about the six of us, I thought about how incredible it would be if we happened to have any of Wonder Woman’s powers, and decided to start writing to see where my thoughts would lead.

First of all, I thought about how I could REALLY use an invisible plane – one that I could  pilot the way that Wonder Woman does. It would be amazing to be able to go anywhere I wanted to go in complete stealth mode – and to be able to bring my Super Friends with me would be an added bonus! No more worrying about stuffing my clothes and purchases into my carry on…there would be room for my hot rollers too, and I could avoid having to be polite to strangers.

Second, I know the six of us could use the golden lasso of truth. Imagine the power we would have over children, spouses, significant others, bosses and colleagues if we could force them to always tell the truth! To know what the other person is thinking and feeling – no fears, no games – how refreshing that would be!

Third, I know all of us could put the indestructible bracelets to use on a daily basis. Wonder Woman always seemed to need hers to deflect bullets. I don’t think any of us have been shot at…but we could use the bracelets in a different way – to deflect all negative things that come our way – no energy suckers, no negativity, no angst, no self-doubt, no fears…no sickness, no sadness…I wish that were possible.

But – alas, we are mere mortals. We are human just like everyone else…vulnerable to the ups and downs that life brings to each of us. And as we get older, I realize that life throws a lot at all of us, and we all cope in different ways.

What makes these “wonder women” special is how they have the beauty, brains and braun to cope from within – no super powers necessary! These ladies – as many others in my life, emanate grace in the face of both the highs and the lows that life brings to all of us. They are mothers, wives, daughters and friends who don’t hesitate to put their loved ones first.

Today I celebrate these special women, as well as the other Wonder Women in my life – you know who you are! You are all as beautiful as Aphrodite and as wise as Athena in my book.

Oh Marie!

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Inner Child, Risk Taking

This is a story about my Mom, Marie, whose birthday is tomorrow. I have told this story a few times this week – because it’s funny, and is such a great example of what makes my mom so special. I will tell it here – again, because it will hopefully make others chuckle…and because I think there is something we can all learn from my mom about the joy of living life to the fullest.

My mom and dad just returned from a vacation that they touted as a “Big Chill Weekend” to visit their friends from high school that they hadn’t seen in many, many years. Clearly, they were anticipating having a fun, and possibly somewhat decadent time with old friends…and that is exactly what happened.

Here is the evidence:

My mother Marie at the tattoo parlor.
The end result. A palm tree.

Mom sent these pictures to all of our family with no explanation whatsoever. I literally was sitting in my cubicle at work when I opened the email, and I may have said an expletive or two out loud when I saw these pictures for the first time. My family’s reactions were so varied – and gave me a lot to think about over the last few days. My brother wasn’t too happy that he would have to explain to his young children how and why “Nina” got “inked.” I saw the pictures and immediately called my father in disbelief to get the story – and was relieved to discover the tattoo was airbrushed…whew!! My sister – the street smart one in our bunch – figured out that it was airbrushed from the picture and was completely nonplussed. My father was and is still trying to garner support from all of us being, in his words, “a united front” in disapproval of my mother ever getting a real tattoo.

As I told this story and sent the pictures around to some friends, I realized that I was doing so with a significant amount of pride and joy for my mom. Yes – my reaction had been authentic – I was relieved she didn’t get a real tattoo. But – I would seriously not have been surprised if she had actually done it – or if she does do it sometime in the future. That is who she is – someone who takes risk, who enjoys having fun, and who frankly doesn’t care all that much about what people think. She is the kind of person who will jump in the water with her clothes on…or will jump in her outdoor hot tub without them (both of these things have definitely happened). Do I want to erase that mental picture from the hot tub?? Maybe. Do I want to erase that memory and the hilarious story that ensued – absolutely not!! My mom is often unfiltered and uninhibited – speaking and acting from the heart.

I have learned so much from my mom about taking risks, about being true to who you are, about being passionate and joyful in the moment. When I tell these funny stories to my friends, I always say that I hope that I am the kind of person who would do the same things at her age. I hope that I take risks, that I am true to who I am, that I jump in the water and enjoy the moment now and at any age the way that she does.

Happy Birthday Mom!

I feel…Wicked

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Perspective

Wicked (musical)

I had the most delightful day yesterday! What better way to spend a dreary, rainy Sunday than at the Wicked matinee in the 5th row with my very good friend Margaret. There is nothing like a musical to bring a story to life. Who doesn’t love watching actors suddenly breaking into song and dancing around in crazy costumes?? We both love a good story – especially one like Wicked about love, empowerment, and friendship. Throw in themes about the power of public relations, the yearning for popularity, a love triangle, betrayal, and animal rights and you have quite a story!

In case you aren’t familiar with the plot, Wicked is the story of Elphaba, who we have always known as the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz, and Glinda, (formerly known as Galinda) who we have known as the Good Witch of the North. Traditionally, we have all thought of Elphaba as an evil, ugly, angry witch who hates Dorothy and her friends Scarecrow, Tin Man and the Lion and only wants to hurt them in her quest for power. And we have thought of Glinda as the Dorothy’s savior in her quest to return home. Here’s a secret for you and for anyone who has seen Wicked – we had it all wrong!!

I have seen the Wizard of Oz more times than I can count. It happens to be in my top movies of all time – actually second only to The Sound of Music, coincidentally another movie musical.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be moved to tears cheering for the Wicked Witch – but that is exactly how I found myself, trying to inconspicuously wipe my eyes at the end of her rendition of Defying Gravity when the lights came up at intermission. Who knew that the Wicked Witch – which I will now always refer to as Elphie, would become an example of perseverance, friendship, love and empowerment as she is portrayed in Wicked??

Wicked shows us how there could be a whole lot more to the story. If we were to dig deeper, if we were to learn the history of Elphie and Glinda, if we look at the “other” side of the story – wow, we sure learn a LOT more.

My friend Margaret said it best – it’s like everything she knew to be true before could be completely wrong!

It occurs to me – what other stories – the ones I make up about myself or the ones I make up about others – do I carry around with me that could be completely wrong?? Oh I know there are a lot. I like to summarize my stories in my own way – serving whatever purpose my head has in mind at the moment. If I decided to look more deeply, or to look at my stories from a different perspective, what alternative happy endings may be possible?

A Letter to My Younger Self

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Forgiveness, Inner Peace, Risk Taking

Have you ever wished you could go back in time? To talk to a younger version of yourself to tell yourself what mistakes to avoid making? To share your lessons learned with the one person that matters most – yourself – since you truly know what lies ahead?

I recently picked up a copy of “What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self” where Ellyn Spragins compiled dozens letters written by pretty fabulous ladies like Madeleine Albright, Maya Angelou, and Trish McEvoy where they each wrote a letter to a younger version of themselves, sharing their love, advice and wisdom. These powerful letters, written by CEOs, fashion designers, political activists, entertainers, Olympic athletes – and a Queen, made me think about how many universal struggles we have as women. We make so many of the same mistakes, share so many of the same vulnerabilities and fears no matter our background, race, age, profession…

Ann Curry tells her 22 year old self that “If you have faith in your real self, you’ll suffer less.” Wise words, Ann. Where were you when I was 22??

Actress Shelley Morrison tells her 30 year old self : “You can’t beat yourself up for what you should have done if you weren’t equipped with the knowledge at the time.” Yes – so true!!

I loved novelist Lisa Scottoline’s letter – because first of all it is a list. Second of all – every item on it is so spot on. Here is one nugget of wisdom from her list: “The little voice you keep ignoring is the only one you should ever listen to.” Right on, Lisa!

I found a lot of inspiration in these letters…but it didn’t really hit home for me until I decided to try to write one for myself. To be honest, I hesitated to post this letter to share it with friends, family and whoever else reads this blog. But in the spirit of risk-taking and being vulnerable, I decided to go for it.

If this inspires you in any way, I really encourage you to do the same for yourself. It is a powerful experience. Share it with someone. Share it with me! Create a dialogue – here or with someone you trust.

A Letter to My Younger Self:

Dear Laurie,

I see you so clearly – so much more clearly that you see yourself in this moment. Stop and notice. Stop and reflect. Stop and take the time to appreciate who you are as the independent, resilient young woman that you already know that you are. Those voices in your head??? You know the ones I am talking about. That is your heart speaking to you. Stop and listen. It’s scary, but the sooner you learn how to do that, the sooner you will build the inner strength to make difficult life choices ahead. Those inner voices are your truth – the core of who you are in your heart. By not listening to them, you are not honoring who you are. Worse yet, the deeper that you bury them now, the harder it will be to hear them later in your life. 

Always remember – your heart is trying to help you – to protect you – to love you. If you don’t know what to do about it, ask for help. I know that isn’t easy for you, but being vulnerable and admitting you don’t have all of the answers is not only normal, but is a good lesson to learn early in life.

One day, you will come to love these values that make you who you are: your capacity to love, your kindness, your hopefulness, your desire to help others. You will also come to find out that those same virtues will be your vices if you lose yourself in your relationships, whether personal or professional. Learn to put yourself first – to love and honor yourself. This is not being selfish. This is being true to yourself. The result will be that you have MORE to give as a healthy, whole, loving, confident person. 

Here’s the thing. Whether or not you figure this out now, you are still going to make mistakes. When this happens – because it is inevitable – forgive yourself. The most loving thing you can do for yourself is to forgive yourself. Show yourself the same kindness and capacity to love that you do for others. It isn’t easy for you to do – I know this. But learn to let it go. You will have more room in your heart for other things when you do this. Learn from your experiences, and let go of the past. Don’t bury your hurts. Move through them because they are all part of your journey. 

Love,

Laurie

Spring Cleaning

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Inner Peace, Self Reliance

Today, energized by the promise of spring around the corner, I decided to clean out my garage. I fired up Pandora on my MacBook, opened the garage door and I was off to the races.

As I made progress in collapsing boxes and compiling bags of trash, my mind wandered all over the place – maybe in an effort to clean out the cobwebs, re-organize and purge the clutter bouncing around in my head too..

Here are my random thoughts that I feel like sharing:

  1. My Milli Vanilli Pandora station was the perfect choice to give me energy for my project today. When is the last time you heard New Edition, MC Hammer, Marky Mark, George Michael…or DeBarge? “Just come with me and shake your blues right away…You’ll be doing fine once the music starts…” “Girl you know it’s true!” I am certain there are more than a few of you out there that can sing every word to Bust a Move…yes that came on too. Can you believe that Marky Mark is now Mark Wahlberg? Talk about “Not Peaking Too Soon…” Anyway, my point is that if you need to channel some energy, Milli Vanilli will help. And my other point is that even if you happen to make it big early in your life, you can reinvent yourself and have more success than you ever imagined if you work at it!
  2. I really wish I had washed the salt water off of my bike the last time I used it…like 6+ months ago. That wasn’t very smart. I need to take better care of my things.
  3. There is something very energizing about throwing stuff out. Check out what my friend Greg Hart has to say about it in his blog called The Pare Down. Life is more simple with fewer things.
  4. In collapsing dozens of boxes, I quickly was reminded of how many times I have bought stuff from “Wines Til Sold Out”, and Zappos. This will not surprise anyone who knows me. It doesn’t surprise me either…but standing amidst all of the trash…it does make me ponder if I should curb some shopping habits.
  5. My bocce ball set and tennis racquet are really dusty! I need to play more!!
  6. I should recycle more.
  7. I am glad that I now remember where my 2nd fire extinguisher is. That reminds me – today is the day we are supposed to check the batteries in our fire detectors!
  8. 2012 may be the year I actually learn how to use a lawn mower. Or maybe I’ll just leave it right where it is and keep using my lawn guy.
  9. I am going to do a better job of keeping my plants alive this year. And I am going to try to actually grow some grass amidst the weeds in my front lawn.
  10. I am going to restore the dollhouse my Gramps made for me and my sister when we were kids…The dollhouse has been sitting in my various garages for the past 10 years. I am not sure what I will do with it – but it is one of the first ones he ever made, and it will be a family heirloom once it’s restored to its original glory. I know it will be worth the effort.

So all in all, it was a productive Sunday. My garage is clean, boxes are recycled, and my head is in better order!

What Do Your “Pet Peeves” Say About You?

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Emotional Intelligence, Inner Peace

As I sit in the USAirways commuter terminal trying to get home, dealing with an annoying 2 1/2 hour delay, I figured it would be a good time to reflect about my “pet peeves” since I am literally entrenched in multiples of my pet peeves at this very moment.

Generally speaking, I tend to be a pretty patient person. It takes a lot for me to get angry enough to get physically upset about something.  Plenty of things get under my skin, but I try not to lose my cool outwardly. That said, most of my pet peeves can still ruin my day if I let them. I often say I am slow to anger but easily annoyed. I can easily internalize my feelings, build resentments, and do a crappy job of managing my own energy and outlook on life if I get mired down by my pet peeves.

Since I am a fan of making lists, here is a list of my pet peeves in no particular order.

1. Travel delays on my return trips home.This is obviously on my mind at the moment. I tend to be a pretty patient, calm traveler, but when it’s time to go home like tonight, something in me snaps, and I feel like a contestant on the Amazing Race dealing with “Roadblocks” and “U-Turns” in a race against the clock trying to get to my destination…my own bed.

2. Nay-sayers. I HATE when someone tells me that I can’t do something – or that they don’t believe that I can do something – or they won’t let me try. I hate it. Capital H-A-T-E. HATE.

3. Energy Suckers. These are the people who take more than they give back…these are the people who will exhaust me if I am not careful.

4. People who don’t follow through on their commitments. I find it incredibly frustrating when, despite every effort I make being clear in my request, someone agrees to do something and then doesn’t follow through. I would much rather someone say no to me rather than making a promise they can’t keep or have no intention of keeping.

5. Making the same mistake more than once. This is one of my own personal pet peeves about myself. I have little patience with myself if I make the same mistake AGAIN and didn’t “get it” the first time around.

6. Close-mindedness. I have always found it difficult to have a fruitful, thoughtful discussion with someone who refuses to consider another point of view. What is the point in even having a discussion with someone if their mind is already made up? It’s like talking to a brick wall rather than having a true dialogue.

7. Mean people. I don’t want to and feel I don’t need to elaborate on this one.

So – what is the point in thinking about all of the things that drive me crazy? This can be dangerous, right? I could so easily go down the rabbit-hole of complaining and self-pity. I do that often enough. I could keep adding to this list for hours!

But instead, today I am thinking about what my pet peeves mean about me. What do the things that drive me insane say about who I am as a person and what I stand for? This is an interesting way for me to look at those negative forces and flip them on their heads. To turn it around. To see them in a different way, and to get a different kind of energy – or fuel I like to say – out of them.

So here is the list again – seen in my new way.

1. I value my personal space. I like my home, and I like to be home. Though I am a social person, I like having healthy boundaries and time to myself.

2. I believe in possibilities. I thrive when I see options. I value having control and responsibility over my choices.

3. I value reciprocal, healthy relationships, in both my professional and personal life.

4. I value credibility – my own credibility, and credibility in others.

5. My personal growth and development is very important to me. I want to keep learning and moving forward in my journey, and to continue to make meaning out of my experiences.

6. I believe that I don’t always have the answers. I am open to learning new things and new perspectives by staying open-minded.

7. I believe that the “Golden Rule“ – treating others the way I want to be treated – is the simplest pathway to peace and serenity.

So now I am sitting here in the same noisy terminal. The delay is now 3 1/2 hours – but I feel pretty calm and peaceful compared to how I felt when I began this post. Maybe I can learn something from this experience the next time something or someone pushes my buttons.

What do your pet peeves say about you? What can you learn about yourself by spending a few minutes reflecting about why these things drive you nuts? How can you use a different perspective to change your energy, change your outlook, and see some new options for action?

A Belly Laugh: Fuel for Heart and Soul

by Laurie Sessa, posted in Uncategorized

“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”
– Victor Borge

When is the last time you laughed so hard that it hurt? Isn’t a belly laugh shared with a loved one an uplifting experience? A shared joy?

I was lucky enough to spend last weekend with a visit from two of my closest friends, Beth and Mary. As usual, we found ourselves reliving hilarious stories from our rich history together…races we ran, races we didn’t run, birthday cakes with the wrong name, our mystery man named Brad, the list goes on and on…and gets longer each time we get together.

We laughed so hard that we cried, with aching stomach muscles, struggling to catch our breaths. One of us may have even needed to rush to change clothes (it wasn’t ME!) – giving us yet another story to belly laugh at in that moment, and in the future.

It was a weekend filled with joy, and it got me thinking about laughter, relationships and the link between the two.

A quick Google search confirms my suspicions that there are plenty of studies around that confirm the health benefits of laughter…increased endorphins in the brain, lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system…There is even a study by Dr. William Fry of Stanford University Medical School that says one minute of laughing is equivalent to ten minutes on a rowing machine – how is that for a cardio workout? Sign me up. I would rather spend 10 minutes laughing than 100 minutes sweating on a rowing machine – or any other cardio workout – any day of the week!

Laughter is not only good for the heart – it is good for the soul. For me, a laugh shared with my friends or family is not just a good substitute for a workout. Laughter is a way for me to foster the relationships that are most important to me. Laughter is a powerful way to connect with others, to share an experience, to create a lasting memory, to not just cope with life – but to enjoy life. Laughter is a way to live in the moment. Laughter awakens all of our senses. Laugher is fuel to me during difficult times. Laughter is energy. Laughter is joy.

To my friends and family in appreciation…thank you for making me laugh and bringing me joy in our relationships.

Laugh on!